What Happens If I Tell?

MPL standing page · for a parent who is struggling and afraid of what telling someone will start.

Who this is for: a parent, often a mother after a baby, living with low mood, anxiety or frightening thoughts, who has not told a doctor or nurse yet. What you’ll get: what telling usually looks like, how Islam and treatment fit together, words you can use, and who to turn to.

If you are in danger right now, or think you might hurt yourself or someone else, skip to Emergency at the bottom.

You are not alone, and your fear makes sense

Many mothers have been where you are. A review of 40 studies of migrant mothers (from lower- and middle-income countries) found about 31% had a perinatal depressive disorder, meaning in pregnancy or the first year after birth. About 17% had major depression. That study was not about Muslims specifically, and it covers migrant mothers, not every mother. But it tells us this is common.

In the US, 29% of Muslim women rate their mental health as fair or poor, against 17% of Muslim men (ISPU, 2025 poll). That is about adult women in general, not new mothers.

Your fear is also real. In a UK study of 37 Black and South Asian women (45% Muslim), some feared that “someone’s gonna take my baby away.” Some were told to go to the mosque instead. In the US, among Muslims who faced discrimination in 2022, 27% said it happened when seeking health care (23% in 2025). If a service has treated you badly before, that is not in your head.

The fear can still keep help away. This page is here so you can decide with facts.

What usually happens when you tell

Asking for help with your own mental health is what health services are there for. The NHS (UK) says postnatal depression is a common mental health condition that usually gets better with treatment. Most visits go like this:

You are listened to. A doctor, nurse or midwife asks how you have been feeling (NHS).
They may ask some set questions. The NHS says you may be asked to fill in a short questionnaire about your symptoms. In the US, the US Preventive Services Task Force recommends depression screening for all adults, including people who are pregnant or have just had a baby. So these questions are routine.
You talk through options. The NHS lists talking therapies such as CBT, and antidepressants. It says many antidepressants are safe while breastfeeding, so tell your doctor if you are breastfeeding and they will choose a suitable one. The NHS also suggests a local support group or a parent and baby group.
You plan the next step together. The NHS says that if your clinician thinks you have postnatal depression, they will talk to you about the treatment and support that are available. In Australia, PANDA says a counsellor and the caller make a care plan together.

Scary thoughts. Many new parents have sudden, unwanted, frightening thoughts or pictures of their baby being harmed. Some are violent, like dropping the baby. Being horrified by them is common.

A UK hospital’s parent guide (Cambridge University Hospitals, NHS) says these thoughts are “incredibly common”, that most new parents have them, and that they “do not increase the risk of the baby coming to harm”.
The Royal College of Psychiatrists says many mothers have these thoughts and do not find them a problem. It says people who are distressed by such thoughts do not become violent or act on them.
PANDA (Australia) says parents with these thoughts are not at increased risk of harming their baby.
If the thoughts are frequent, upsetting, or you do things over and over to push them away, they may be part of anxiety, depression or OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). These can be treated. The Royal College of Psychiatrists says to tell someone how you feel, and to talk to your GP, health visitor or midwife. PANDA says to share it with a trusted doctor, counsellor or midwife.

Tell your clinician exactly what you are having, in your own words. That is how they can help.

Something different, and much rarer, is feeling so distressed or confused that you want to hurt the baby, yourself or someone else. The hospital guide calls this a crisis. Get help right away: see Emergency at the bottom. The same goes for seeing or hearing things that others do not, or believing things that are not true, after a birth. The Royal College of Psychiatrists says that needs urgent medical help.

Want to know before you tell? You can ask first: “Before I say more, can you tell me what happens next and who you share it with?” A good clinician will answer.

What happens next, by country. Many parents fear that telling will mean losing their baby. Here is what official sources say, country by country. Where we found no official statement, we say so.

United States: We found no official US statement on whether telling a clinician about mental health problems in pregnancy or after birth leads to a child being removed. You can ask your clinician first (see the question above). You can also ask: “What would you have to report, and what would you not?”
United Kingdom (England): The NHS says you may be scared your baby will be taken away if you ask for help, “but this is very rare”. It says your care team will give you the support you need to care for your baby. Tommy’s, a UK charity, says social services “will never take a baby into care just because of a parent’s mental health”. It says they will only do so if the parents cannot look after the baby safely. It also says that unless there is a real and immediate risk to the baby, a referral is made with your knowledge, and you need to agree to support from social services. Cambridge University Hospitals says parental mental health problems “are almost always not safeguarding issues”. It says a referral is needed only when a parent’s health affects their ability to parent safely or the baby’s development, and that for the few families where it is needed, the priority is to keep families together with the right support.
United Kingdom (Wales): The NHS in Wales says that with postnatal depression, babies “are only taken into care in very exceptional circumstances”. It says being depressed does not mean you are a bad parent.
United Kingdom (Scotland): We found no official Scottish statement that answers this directly. NHS inform says that if you need hospital care, you can be offered a place in a Mother and Baby Unit, so you can keep looking after your baby while you get treatment.
United Kingdom (Northern Ireland): We found no official Northern Ireland statement on this. nidirect says many mothers keep frightening thoughts to themselves, partly from fear of social services. It says these thoughts are very rarely acted on, and to talk to your midwife, health visitor or GP.
Canada: We found no official Canadian statement on this. Child welfare rules differ by province, so ask your clinician first. Health Canada says many parents are reluctant to speak up because of shame or fear, and that these conditions are treatable.
Australia: We found no official Australian government statement on this. PANDA’s helpline describes itself as a free, safe, caring and confidential space. Its counsellors ask about your own and your baby’s safety and wellbeing. PANDA says its staff look at risk and support, “rather than the presence of thoughts alone”. It also says staff will contact authorities if they are worried about a child’s safety. You can ask them what that means for you when you call.
New Zealand: We found no statement from Health NZ, Oranga Tamariki, Plunket or the Mental Health Foundation on whether telling a clinician leads to a baby being removed. In general, Oranga Tamariki says a child is placed in care “only after all other options” to keep them safe have been explored, and the decision is often made by a Family Court judge. Ask your clinician first.

If the person you tell responds badly, you can try another clinician, or contact one of the services below.

You can ask for what you need. ISPU has asked health providers to offer female or male clinicians, video and evening visits and a private space to pray. It is fair to ask.

Islam and treatment, together

You do not have to choose between du’a and treatment. The Prophet ﷺ told people to seek medical treatment, because Allah has appointed a remedy for each illness (Abu Dawud 3855, graded sahih by Albani on sunnah.com). And: every disease has a remedy, and when the remedy matches the disease, it is cured by Allah’s leave (Muslim 2204).

Prayer, Qur’an and du’a can sit beside therapy or medicine. Ruqyah is fine if it has no shirk (Muslim 2200). But if someone tells you to stop treatment, or says your low mood means your deen is weak, or says it is only possession or the evil eye so you should not see a doctor, that is not what these texts say. They tell us to do both: seek treatment and make du’a.

How to say it

You do not need perfect words. Pick one.

To your spouse: “I haven’t been okay for a while. I’m not asking you to fix it. I need you to come with me to the doctor, or look after the baby while I go.”

To your doctor or nurse: “I’ve been feeling [low / panicky / full of frightening thoughts] since [the baby / pregnancy]. I’m scared about what telling you will mean. Can you tell me what happens next?”

To a friend: “Can I tell you something and have you just listen? I’m struggling and I don’t want advice yet.”

Who to turn to

Start with someone who already knows you: your OB-GYN, midwife, pediatrician or family doctor (US, Canada); your GP, midwife or health visitor (UK); your GP or child health nurse (Australia); your midwife, Well Child / Plunket nurse or GP (New Zealand). You can raise it at your baby’s checkup.

Services for parents. Search the name for current contact details and hours.

US: National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: call or text, 24/7, interpreters in 60+ languages including Arabic, Dari, Urdu, Somali, Bengali and Pashto. Spouses and family can use it too. Postpartum Support International (not an emergency service).
UK: PANDAS Foundation: WhatsApp support and a free callback. Your GP or the NHS urgent mental-health help on the NHS website.
Canada: Your family doctor or your province’s nurse advice line.
Australia: PANDA (perinatal anxiety and depression, from pregnancy until your baby is 12 months old; not a crisis service). Open 7 days: weekdays 9am–7:30pm, weekends and public holidays 9am–4pm, eastern Australian time; closed Christmas Day. PANDA’s own pages differ slightly on Sunday hours, so check before you call. Healthdirect (nurses, 24/7).
New Zealand: Need to Talk? (free, 24/7). PlunketLine and Healthline (both free, 24/7).

Muslim-specific support

Khalil Center (US and Canada): Islamically integrated therapy for adults, youth, children, couples and families. Offices in the US; online in Toronto. Fees apply; financial help may be available. You book an intake first. Where it is not licensed, it offers spiritual consultation only. Not a crisis service.
Naseeha (Canada): free, confidential peer-support helpline (call, text or chat), 24/7. For Muslim youth and adults, including parents. You can ask for a male or female counselor. Peer support, not therapy.
Muslim Community Helpline (UK): listening and emotional support (English, Arabic, Gujarati, Punjabi, Urdu/Hindi). Short weekday hours. Volunteer-led, so lines can be busy.
Muslim Women’s Network Helpline (UK): for women facing abuse or related problems. Mainly Muslim women, but women of any religion can use it. Weekdays, daytime only.
MCB Muslim Mental Health signpost (UK): reviewed UK services and a guided helper. A signpost, not a clinic.
Hayat Line (Australia): free, confidential crisis support line for Muslims. Weekdays 9am–5pm, eastern Australian time, only.
No Muslim-specific counseling service could be verified (New Zealand): Use Need to Talk? above.

These are not emergency services. If someone is in danger, call your local emergency number first.

If you are worried about someone

If your wife, sister, friend or daughter seems to be struggling, you are allowed to say something.

Say what you see, gently: “You seem exhausted and sad lately. I’m here.”
Listen first. Skip “just make more du’a,” “be grateful” and “other mothers manage.”
Offer a concrete step: go with her to the appointment, take the baby so she can make the call, or help her book it.
Fathers struggle too. PANDAS in the UK supports dads as well.
You can ask for advice. In the US, spouses and family can contact the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline.
Do not promise to keep a danger secret. If she may hurt herself or the baby, call your emergency number.

Emergency

If someone is in danger now, or talking about suicide or harming themselves or a child, call your local emergency number immediately.

For urgent emotional support, every one of these countries has a free crisis line: the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (US), Samaritans (UK), the Suicide Crisis Helpline (Canada), Lifeline (Australia) and Need to Talk? (New Zealand).

Last checked: October 2026. Spotted something out of date? Reply or leave a comment and we’ll fix it.

Sources

IslamQA fatwa 301128, on not stopping psychiatric treatment for ruqyah alone: combine medical treatment and ruqyah

IslamQA fatwa 3839, on physical medicine and spiritual medicine: there is no contradiction between using both

Sunan Abi Dawud 3855, on seeking treatment (checked on sunnah.com)

Muslim Parenting Lab