Something Was Said at School

MPL standing page · linked from articles on school, hijab, friends and Islamophobia

Who this is for: parents of children aged 4–8 whose child was called a name, teased about religion, race or hijab, or heard something hurtful, and parents whose child said it. What you’ll get: what to say tonight, what to ask, what to write down, who to tell and how, plus the “majority” and “my child said it” versions.

First, what we know

This is common. In the US, close to half of Muslim families with school-age children say a child was bullied for religion in the past year (48% in 2022, 47% in 2025). In 2025, about half of those families named an adult, and 36% named a teacher or school official. These figures are for families with school-age children. We have no data for under-8s alone.

It is not your child’s fault. It is not yours. Many teachers are kind and will act when they know. The steps below are for the days when they don’t know yet.

Tonight: two sentences for your child

Say them before you ask anything.

4–5: “I’m glad you told me. You did nothing wrong, and what they said was unkind.”
6–8: “Thank you for telling me. That must have hurt, and it isn’t your fault. We’ll work out what to do together, and I’ll tell you each step.”

Then add what is true for your child: “Your name, your deen and your hijab are good things to be.” (Change the words to fit.)

If your child asks, “Why do people hate us?”: “Some people say unkind things about people they don’t know. That is about them, not you. You are loved, and we will keep you safe.”

Listen first

Ask one question at a time. Younger children may show you by drawing or playing.

“What happened?”
“Where were you? Who was close by?”
“What did they say? What did you say or do?”
“Did you tell a grown-up? What did they do?”
“What would help?”

Avoid “Why didn’t you…?” It sounds like blame. Don’t put words in their mouth. Don’t promise to keep it secret. Say: “I may need to tell your teacher. I’ll tell you first.”

Later, practice a reply together. NCTSN suggests role-playing how to answer hurtful remarks. A simple one: “That’s not kind. Stop.”

Watch for sleep problems, tummy aches, clinginess or going back to babyish habits. AAP lists these after frightening news, and they fit here too. If upset lasts several days, nightmares continue, or school or friendships suffer, talk to your child’s doctor. If a child is hurt or in danger, call your local emergency number.

Write it down

Do it tonight, on your phone. It does not need to be neat.

Date and time
Who: names, or “an older boy” or “a staff member”
What was said or done, in their words, in quotes
Where, and who saw it
What your child did
What the school did or said, and who you told and when

Keep emails, messages and screenshots. Online messages count too: in the 2022 US survey, 31% of families named students online.

Who to tell first

Go in order, unless your child is in danger or a staff member is involved (next sections).

The class teacher. Most things end here.
The principal (UK: headteacher).
The district (US) or school board (Canada). Elsewhere, ask the school for its complaints policy.

If it still isn’t fixed. Each country has a formal route. Keep your notes and emails. You will need them.

US: You can file a complaint with the Office for Civil Rights (OCR) at the US Department of Education. OCR covers race, color and national origin. OCR says this includes students targeted for shared ancestry or ethnic traits, and it names Muslim students as an example. File within 180 days of the last incident. If you use the school’s own complaint process first, you have 60 days after it ends. Since June 2026, the Department of Education works with the Department of Justice on these complaints. The Department says families still file with OCR the same way. The Department of Justice can also act on religious discrimination by public schools.
UK (England): Use the school’s formal complaints procedure. Every school must have one, often on its website. If that does not fix it, you can complain to the Department for Education (DfE). DfE cannot look at complaints about how a staff member behaved. For discrimination, the government points to the Equality Advisory and Support Service. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have their own routes.
Canada (Ontario): If you are unhappy with the school’s response, you can speak to the superintendent for your school or the board’s superintendent for safe schools. For discrimination or harassment because of race or creed (religion), you can apply to the Human Rights Tribunal of Ontario within one year of the last incident. The Human Rights Legal Support Centre gives free help. Other provinces have their own routes.
Australia (NSW public schools): If the principal can’t fix it, or the problem is the principal, contact the local Department of Education office or use the department’s online complaint form. You can ask for a review within 10 working days of the decision. After that, you can go to the NSW Ombudsman. For discrimination, such as race, the department points to the Australian Human Rights Commission and Anti-Discrimination NSW. Other states have their own routes.
New Zealand: Write to the school board. Explain the problem and what you want the board to do. Your regional Ministry of Education office can help you work with the school. If you are still unhappy, you can complain to the Office of the Ombudsman. For racial harassment or discrimination, the Human Rights Commission offers free, confidential dispute resolution. It does not decide whether the law was broken.

A calm email:

Subject: Something [Child] told me about [date]
Dear [Mr/Ms ___],
[Child] told me that on [date], at [place], [what was said or done]. [Child] was upset. [Who saw it, if known.]
I’d like to understand what happened and keep [Child] safe. Could we talk this week? Could you tell me what the school will do, and when I’ll hear back?
Thank you, [Name, email]

Send it, keep a copy, and email a short thank-you after any meeting that lists what was agreed.

What to ask the school for

This list comes from a US guide to religious-based bullying of Muslim kids (ISPU). It is useful in any country. Pick two or three.

A bullying policy that names protected groups, such as religion and race.
Staff training.
Staff who handle every report.
Reassurance for the child who was targeted.
Support for the child who bullied, so they understand what happened.
Lessons on kindness and standing up to bias.
A start-of-year question to families about religious celebrations.
Inclusion of disabled pupils, for example a quiet space.

Race and religion together

Sometimes it is one thing, and sometimes both. A Black Muslim child can face racism and Islamophobia together, and sometimes the racism comes from other Muslims. In ISPU polling, 66% of Black American Muslims reported racial discrimination (2018), and one in three said a fellow believer discriminated against them because of race (2017).

Name it when it changes what to do. If the words were about skin, hair, name or accent, write “race” and “religion” in your notes and email. Ask whether the school’s policy covers both. Tell your child: “Your skin, your hair, your name and your deen are all good, and all yours.”

If an adult at school was involved

It can happen, and you may feel more afraid. Don’t let that stop you.

Write down the same details, plus the adult’s role.
Describe what your child said, not what you think the adult meant.
Go to the principal (UK: headteacher) and say it involves a member of staff. Ask who will look into it and when you will hear back.
Take a calm support person to any meeting.
Ask for a written summary afterward.

When your child’s class is mostly Muslim

Here your child may be the majority. Teach respect for the one child who is different: a classmate who isn’t Muslim, who doesn’t wear hijab or fast, who is a convert’s child, or who is Black and gets comments from others in the group.

4–5: “Not everyone does what we do. That’s okay. Be kind to everyone. Ask Maya to play.”
6–8: “Don’t ask anyone to prove they’re Muslim enough. Each family has its own way of practicing. If someone says something unkind to a classmate, you can say: ‘That’s not kind.’”

Don’t ask that child to explain or represent anyone. Invite them to your Eid.

If your child said it

Stay calm. Shame teaches hiding, not kindness.

Find out first. “Tell me what happened.” Young children may repeat words they have heard without knowing what they mean.
Say the line. “Those words hurt people. We don’t say them.”
Ask: “How do you think [Name] felt?”
Repair. Help your child say sorry in their own words, or draw a card. Don’t force an empty apology.
Tell the teacher yourself. Write first. It helps the school and the other family.
Ask where they heard it, gently, and listen.

This also works if the words were about another religion, race or hijab.

Looking after yourself

The fear is reasonable. Some parents also meet hostile adults at the school gate. In Australia, mothers described staying calm for their children while feeling helpless. In New Zealand, some women avoided the school run after the 15 March 2019 attack. Try one step for each fear.

“I’ll make it worse.”: Send the calm email. Schools can only act on what they know.
“They’ll think I’m too sensitive.”: Facts, dates, quotes. Notes carry weight.
“It will happen again.”: Practice the reply. Ask the school for two or three items on the list.
“I can’t sleep.”: Tell one trusted person. Do one thing tonight, the rest tomorrow.
“I’m scared at the school gate.”: Walk in with another parent, and tell the school if an adult there is hostile.

UNICEF’s advice to parents includes taking care of yourself. If the weight is heavy, see What Happens If I Tell? for support for parents.

Country notes

Reported counts rise and fall with reporting. They are not rates.

US: StopBullying.gov says Muslim children are targeted for prayer, fasting and hijab.
UK: Police-recorded religious hate crime in England and Wales reached its highest annual total in the year to March 2025 (forces outside the Metropolitan Police).
Canada: Police-reported hate crimes against Muslims rose 94% in 2023. About one in five hate incidents reached the police.
Australia: The Islamophobia Register calls schools “hotspots”, and Muslim boys made 63% of school reports (2023–24).
New Zealand: The Royal Commission heard that Muslim children were bullied at school.

Last checked: October 2026. Spotted something out of date? Reply or leave a comment and we’ll fix it.

Muslim Parenting Lab