MPL standing page · linked from articles on Christmas, Halloween, birthdays and school celebrations
Who this is for: Muslim parents of children aged 2–8 who keep hearing “Why don’t we…?” and want words that are true, kind and short. What you’ll get: lines for five common moments in three age bands, swap phrases, scripts for non-Muslim grandparents and spouses, ideas to make Eid the big one, and two school letters.
Why a reason matters
Many parents tell us they don’t want to say “it’s not allowed” and stop there. One Muslim writer says the unexplained answers she got as a child only made her more curious. Another parent wished someone had told her that “Christmas is not allowed” isn’t a conversation. A child needs a reason they can follow.
A reason a child can follow has three parts:
Name what they see or feel. “You love the lights.”
Say what your family does, in one sentence. “In our family, we celebrate Eid.”
Offer something to do. “Let’s plan our Eid.”
Keep it short and calm. Your tone teaches more than your words. If you fear you’ll react with anger, as some parents say their own parents did, take a breath first. You can say it again later.
Muslims differ on some of these
Scholars differ. On birthdays, some scholars see them as fine. Egypt’s Dar al-Ifta (fatwa 4820, 2013) says there is no legal impediment, as long as the day is not called a festival and nothing forbidden happens. Other scholars say they are not permitted, and some add that even saying “Happy birthday” is not allowed: IslamQA (fatwa 213243) says congratulating someone on a birthday takes part in an innovation, and Muftionline (South Africa, Hanafi) agrees. Others, such as DarulUloomTT (Hanafi), see no harm in wishing someone well. The Associated Press (2008) reported Saudi Arabia’s Grand Mufti, Sheikh Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh, saying birthday celebrations have no place in Islam, and the late Mufti Ibn Baz calling birthday parties an innovation. On other religions’ festivals, families we hear from range from not taking part at all to joining in some parts (that range comes from parents). Scholars differ too: IslamQA (fatwa 947) says greeting non-Muslims on their religious festivals is not permitted, while Egypt’s Dar al-Ifta (fatwa 6710) allows it for peaceful non-Muslims. The lines below avoid festival greetings, so they fit both views. MPL gives no rulings. Use “In our family…” and say what your family does. See How MPL Handles Islamic Questions for how to ask a scholar.
Every line below is a starting point. Change it to fit your family.
Christmas and Santa
2–3
Say to your child: “Pretty lights! Christmas is a special day for our neighbors. Our special days are Eid.”
Your child can say to a friend: “I have Eid.”
4–5
Say to your child: “Christmas is the special day for Christians, people who follow Jesus. We love Prophet Isa (Jesus), peace be upon him. In our family, we celebrate Eid. We’re happy our friends are happy.”
Your child can say to a friend: “We don’t do Christmas. We do Eid!”
6–8
Say to your child: “Santa is a story many families love. In our family, we keep to true stories at home. We don’t spoil other kids’ fun.”
Your child can say to a friend: “My family doesn’t do Santa. I like hearing about yours.”
School nativity, carols and Christmas songs
Ask the teacher early what will happen and what the options are. In one story we read, a teacher had Muslim children raise their hands and sit apart. The child felt singled out. Ask that your child is not. SeekersGuidance (Shafi’i) says a Muslim child should not take part in a nativity play and that parents should politely ask the teacher for another activity.
2–3
Say to your child: “That’s a Christmas song. Want to hear one we like?”
Your child can say to a friend: (No line needed.)
4–5
Say to your child: “Your class sings songs for Christmas. In our family, we [listen kindly / do something else]. You’ve done nothing wrong.”
Your child can say to a friend: “I’m not singing this one. I’ll do something else.”
6–8
Say to your child: “What will you say if someone asks why you’re not singing? Let’s practice.”
Your child can say to a friend: “In my family we don’t sing that one. I can help set up the chairs.”
Halloween
2–3
Say to your child: “Not tonight. Let’s have a pumpkin snack and read a story.”
Your child can say to a friend: (No line needed.)
4–5
Say to your child: “On Halloween people dress up as scary things. In our family, we skip it. We’ll have our own fun night.”
Your child can say to a friend: “I don’t do Halloween. I like your costume!”
6–8
Say to your child: “Families choose different things. In our family, we skip Halloween, and we’re kind to people who don’t. What would make a fun night for us?”
Your child can say to a friend: “My family skips it. Have fun!”
If a non-Muslim parent hosts a Halloween party, agree with your child’s other parent first. Never use the child as the messenger.
Birthdays
Scholars differ (see above). Fill in your family’s way. The lines below leave out “Happy birthday” because IslamQA and other scholars say not to say it. If your scholar allows it, you can add it.
2–3
Say to your child: “That’s Sami’s birthday cake. We’ll have our own treat at home.”
Your child can say to a friend: “I’m glad you’re my friend!”
4–5
Say to your child: “Some families celebrate birthdays. In our family, we [keep it small / don’t mark them]. We thank Allah for you every day, not only one day.”
Your child can say to a friend: “My family does it a different way. I’m glad you’re my friend.”
6–8
Say to your child: “Families choose different ways. You can be happy for your friends. If you’re invited, we’ll decide together.”
Your child can say to a friend: “My family doesn’t do birthdays, but I’m glad you’re my friend.”
To the host, if you decline: “Thank you for inviting Sami. We can’t come this time.” If you accept, ask what’s on the menu (see the food letter below). Keep the wrappers if you’re unsure what’s in a treat.
“My friend gets presents”
2–3
Say to your child: “You want it. That’s a big feeling. It’s Maya’s toy today. Let’s pick a book.”
Your child can say to a friend: (No line needed.)
4–5
Say to your child: “It’s hard when a friend has something we don’t. We give to others too. A box for sadaqah (voluntary charity) is ours.”
Your child can say to a friend: “Cool! I’ll get mine at Eid.”
6–8
Say to your child: “You can feel jealous and still be kind. Let’s plan what makes Eid big this year.”
Your child can say to a friend: “That’s a great present.”
Instead of / Try
Instead of “We don’t do that. It’s haram (forbidden).”, try: “In our family, we celebrate Eid. Christmas is for our friends who follow Jesus.”
Instead of “Because we’re Muslim.”, try: “Because our special days are Eid and Ramadan. Let’s plan ours.”
Instead of “That’s devil stuff.”, try: “In our family, we skip Halloween. Let’s have our own fun night.”
Instead of “Santa isn’t real, so don’t believe it.”, try: “Santa is a story many families love. We let them enjoy it.”
Non-Muslim grandparents, spouses and relatives
Start here: their love is real. A present or a carol is not an attack on your deen. Say that to yourself first.
Agree with your spouse before you speak. Decide ahead what you will say and do.
Thank first. Then say your family’s line.
Give a real role. Invite them to Eid, not only away from Christmas.
Decide gifts ahead. Say thank you, breathe, and talk later.
To a grandparent: “We love how much you love the kids. In our family, we don’t do Christmas. We’d love you to come for Eid dinner. Can you?”
On gifts: “Thank you for thinking of her. Could you take her out for a treat on an ordinary day? She’d love the time with you.”
To a non-Muslim spouse: “I’m not asking you to stop being you. I’d like us to agree on what we tell the kids so they don’t feel torn.”
To your child, about a parent or grandparent: “Your [mom/dad] and I believe some things differently. We both love you.” One adult who grew up between religions said it was confusing to hear Islam was the truth while a parent wasn’t Muslim. Say what you believe. Don’t say the other parent is wrong.
If you are a convert (revert): you may miss the lights, the table and the songs. That is grief, not weakness. Missing a part of your old life doesn’t mean you chose wrongly. Tell one trusted person. Keep what fits your family, and build new traditions slowly.
Make Eid the big one
Parents fear their child will love Christmas more than Eid. You don’t need to copy Christmas. Eid has its own joy. Ideas that parents who have done it recommend:
A countdown calendar through Ramadan to Eid.
Lights and decorations your child helps make.
Henna for girls and women (many scholars say boys and men should not use it as decoration; some say it is only disliked).
Charity: the family sadaqah box, and your child picks where it goes.
A family tradition that is yours: a special breakfast, a call to relatives.
Invite the neighbors and grandparents. Plan the day after Eid too. Parents say it can feel lonely when the iftar crowds disappear.
Offer to talk to your child’s class about Eid. Some schools ask how to mark it.
Text. In Sahih al-Bukhari 952, Abu Bakr objected to two young Ansari girls singing at Aisha’s house on Eid. The Prophet ﷺ answered that every nation has an Eid, and this is ours.
Expected dates (from published calculated calendars, the Fiqh Council of North America and Umm al-Qura; the moon may move them 1–2 days): Eid al-Fitr around Tuesday 9 March 2027, a school day in most places. A day later is Wednesday 10 March, also a school day. Eid al-Adha around Sunday 16 May 2027. If it moves a day, it falls on Monday 17 May, a school day. Many families follow local moon-sighting or their masjid’s announcement, so the day may differ where you live. Send your school letter about 3 weeks ahead, then confirm the day once your masjid announces it.
School letters by country
These letters are a script, not a right. Rules vary by country, state and school. Write early, name the observance, and ask what the school’s process is. Rules below were checked in Oct 2026.
US
Eid absence: California: Education Code 48205 allows an excused absence for a holiday or ceremony of the pupil’s religion, with a written parent request approved by the principal. Other states and districts: check your school’s policy.
Halal and party food: ISPU says halal needs should be considered where people are given food, including schools. That is advice, not a rule. check your school’s policy
UK
Eid absence: England: absence on a day set apart for religious observance by your religious body is coded Code R (authorised). Only one day counts as Code R; extra days are at the school’s discretion. Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland: check your school’s policy.
Halal and party food: Check your school’s policy.
Canada
Eid absence: Ontario: the Human Rights Commission’s creed policy says creed-based holidays and observances must be accommodated up to undue hardship. How it applies to your school: check your school board’s policy. Other provinces, including Québec: check your school’s policy.
Halal and party food: The same policy lists food restrictions. School use: check your school board’s policy.
Australia
Eid absence: NSW: you need no certificate to ask for a child to skip assemblies, special days or guest speakers. For Eid absence: check your school’s policy. Other states: check your school’s policy.
Halal and party food: Check your school’s policy.
New Zealand
Eid absence: In a State primary school, a parent can opt a child out of religious observances in writing (Education and Training Act 2020). For Eid absence: check your school’s policy.
Halal and party food: Check your school’s policy.
(a) Eid absence letter
Subject: Request for absence for Eid al-Fitr, [date]
Dear [Mr/Ms ___],
[Child’s name] is in your class [grade/year]. Our family is Muslim and celebrates Eid al-Fitr, which we expect on [date]. The exact day depends on the moon and may move by a day or two. We will confirm.
We would like [Child] to be absent on [date(s)] for this religious celebration. Could you tell me how the school records this, and whether you need anything from us?
We will help [Child] catch up on any missed work. I would also be happy to talk to the class about Eid if that would help.
Thank you, [Name, email]
(b) Halal food and party food letter
Subject: Food for [Child] at [lunches / the class party on date]
Dear [Mr/Ms ___],
In our family, [Child] eats halal food and does not eat pork [edit to match your family: or gelatine, or food with alcohol].
Could you let us know what will be served at [lunches / the party], or the ingredients? If it helps, I’m happy to send a treat for [Child] to keep at school and use on party days.
Thank you for helping [Child] feel included. [Name, email]
For a friend’s party: “Thank you for inviting [Child]! Could you tell me what’s on the menu? I’m happy to bring something.” Scholars also differ on gelatine; ask a scholar of your school if you are unsure.
Last checked: October 2026. Spotted something out of date? Reply or leave a comment and we’ll fix it.
Sources
GOV.UK, The national curriculum: Other compulsory subjects (n.d.)
Other activities of a religious nature in schools, PD-2002-0074-02 (2026)
ISPU, Majority of Muslims prefer or require halal (AMP 2022 data) (2023)
DfE, Working together to improve school attendance (PDF), paras 368-372 (2026)
Ontario Human Rights Commission, Policy on preventing discrimination based on creed (n.d.)
DfE “Working together to improve school attendance” (July 2026), paras 367–372
School Attendance (Pupil Registration) (England) Regulations 2024, SI 2024/208
Bukhari 952, checked on sunnah.com, Oct 2026
Egypt’s Dar al-Ifta fatwa 4820 (dar-alifta.org)
Associated Press, 4 Sept 2008, “Don’t let them eat cake, senior Saudi cleric says” (NBC News)
IslamQA fatwa 213243, ruling on saying happy birthday
IslamQA fatwa 104446, on birthday celebrations
IslamQA fatwa 947, on greeting non-Muslims on their holidays
Egypt Dar al-Ifta, fatwa 6710, on congratulating non-Muslims
SeekersGuidance (Shafi’i), Can My Children Act in a Christmas Play at School?
Muftionline and DarulUloomTT (Hanafi), birthday answers