Family Advice: Keep · Swap · Skip

MPL standing page · linked from any article about advice from grandparents, aunties and in-laws.

Who this is for: a parent with a new baby or young child, and a grandmother or auntie who loves them and has advice. What you’ll get: a short card for each common practice: what it is, what to keep, what to swap, what to skip, and one kind sentence you can say to an elder.

What they get right

Elders show up. They cook, hold the baby, stay up at night and remember the du’a. Many practices below come from the Prophet’s example, ﷺ, and from a deep wish to protect a child.

So every card says keep first. What we ask you to swap or skip is about one thing: keeping the baby safe.

Each card carries a label: Sunnah (reported from the Prophet ﷺ), custom (a family or cultural habit), scholars differ, or health guidance. MPL does not issue rulings. For questions of fiqh, see How MPL Handles Islamic Questions.

Any baby under 3 months with a temperature of 100.4°F (38°C) or higher: call your child’s doctor right away, even if your baby seems well. If you can’t reach them, call your local emergency number.

1. Tahnik and honey

Labels: Sunnah (with a date) · honey is a later custom · health guidance

Tahnik is putting a little softened date in a newborn’s mouth. Two reports in Sahih al-Bukhari describe it:

Abu Musa brought his newborn son to the Prophet ﷺ, who named him Ibrahim, did tahnik for him with a date, made du’a for blessing on him and gave him back (Sahih al-Bukhari 5467).
Asma bint Abi Bakr brought her newborn son, Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr. The Prophet ﷺ asked for a date, chewed it and put some in the baby’s mouth, did tahnik with it and made du’a for him (Sahih al-Bukhari 5469).

Both reports name a date. Honey comes from later scholars’ lists of “another sweet thing” when dates are not available. So leaving out honey is not leaving out the Sunnah. The NHS (UK) and the CDC (US) both say: no honey for any child under 12 months, because of infant botulism.

Keep: Tahnik itself. It is a beautiful welcome.
Swap: Use a date, not honey. The hadith tell us what the Prophet ﷺ did. For how to do it safely for your baby, ask your midwife or your baby’s doctor, especially if the baby is premature, unwell or not yet feeding well.
Skip: Honey on a finger, a pacifier (dummy; Canada: soother) or anything else, in the first year.
Say it to the family: “We are doing exactly what the Prophet ﷺ did, with a date, and the doctors say honey has to wait until she is one.”
Call a doctor: If honey was already given, call your child’s doctor or pediatrician right away. Do not wait for symptoms.

2. Kohl, surma and kajal

Labels: adult kohl is a Sunnah, not an emphasized one · kohl or a mark on a baby is custom · health guidance

Some kohl contains lead. A US report (CDC) describes a 6-month-old with a raised blood lead level, traced to “tiro” that tested 82.6% lead. The US FDA says some kohl products are more than half lead by weight, and Health Canada advises against unlabelled kohl. One mufti (South Africa) says a kajal mark on a newborn’s face has no basis in the religion.

Keep: The love and wish for protection behind it.
Swap: For protection, use the du’a the Prophet ﷺ used (see card 7). Adults who like kohl can choose a labelled, tested product.
Skip: Any kohl, surma or kajal on a baby. Skip unlabelled imports.
Say it to the family: “I know this protects her in your heart. The doctors found lead in some kohl, so we’ll use du’a instead.”
Call a doctor: If your child has had kohl on their skin or eyes, ask your child’s doctor or pediatrician about a blood lead test.

3. Where the baby sleeps

Labels: custom and parental choice · health guidance (no Sunnah text covers an infant’s sleep place)

Many families bed-share. Breastfeeding mothers often do it to survive the night.

Same everywhere: the baby sleeps on a separate, firm, flat surface in your room for at least the first 6 months.

Different wording on bed-sharing:

US (AAP): “Avoid bed sharing… under any circumstances.”
UK (NHS): Safest is a separate cot or Moses basket. It lists when you must never share: baby born before 37 weeks or under 2.5 kg, or a parent who smokes, has had 2 or more units of alcohol, or has taken drugs or drowsy medicine.
Canada: “Not advised.” Know the highest-risk factors.
Australia (Red Nose): Does not recommend it; gives tips for safer co-sleeping.
New Zealand (Plunket): “Not recommended”; if it happens, baby has their own space, such as a wahakura or pēpi-pod.
Keep: Closeness, night feeds, and a grandmother who rocks and settles the baby.
Swap: The baby goes down on their own surface to sleep. Grandma holds, then lays the baby down.
Skip: Never sleep with a baby on a sofa or armchair. This is a hard line in every country.
Say it to the family: “You can hold and rock her all you like, Mama. The doctors just want her own bed in our room when she sleeps.”
Ask: your child’s doctor or nurse. In Australia, Red Nose gives free safe-sleep advice; in New Zealand, PlunketLine.

4. The first week: adhan, naming, head-shaving, aqiqah

Labels: Sunnah, with scholars differing on how strong each one is

Adhan in the ear: reported in Abu Dawud 5105. Al-Tirmidhi called it hasan sahih, and Nawawi and Hanafi and Shafi’i muftis say it is recommended. Al-Albani first graded it hasan, then retracted and graded it weak, so scholars differ on how strong it is.
Naming, shaving and aqiqah on day seven: Abu Dawud 2838 (graded sahih by Albani on sunnah.com). The same source calls aqiqah virtuous but not compulsory.
Aqiqah abroad through a charity: scholars differ. IslamQA fatwa 132524 prefers that it be slaughtered where the child lives and quotes al-Fawzan’s objection to doing it elsewhere. IslamQA fatwa 202306, IslamWeb and Hanafi muftis say it is valid when done abroad. Ask your own scholar, and ask the charity how the slaughter is carried out.
Keep: All of it that your family does. Ask the nurses quietly for a minute of privacy for the adhan.
Swap: If cost is heavy, ask your scholar about your school’s view. One Hanafi source calls aqiqah virtuous, not compulsory.
Skip: Putting anything in a baby’s mouth in the hospital without telling the staff, especially in NICU or if the baby is unwell.
Say it to the family: “We’ll do the adhan and the naming on the seventh day, and we’re asking our imam about the aqiqah.”
Call a doctor: We found no official health guidance on shaving a newborn’s scalp or on handling aqiqah meat (we looked at the AAP, the NHS and food-safety agencies). For any worry about the baby’s skin or health, call your child’s doctor.

5. Ear piercing

Labels: custom · scholars differ

No Qur’an or hadith text covers piercing a baby’s ears. One fatwa site reports that Hanafi and Hanbali scholars permit ear piercing for females and Shafi’i scholars do not. It is not specific to babies. IslamQA fatwa 78255 says there is nothing wrong with piercing a girl’s ears, and fatwa 175847 says piercing a boy’s ear is not permitted.

Keep: The wish to adorn a beloved daughter.
Swap: Some families wait until the child can ask for it and care for it. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) gives the same guideline: wait until your child is mature enough to look after the piercing. Either choice is a family decision.
Skip: Piercing at home or with unsterile tools. The AAP says to have a doctor, nurse or experienced technician do it. The NHS says to use a qualified, experienced, licensed piercer, and not to do your own piercings (you are much more likely to get an infection).
Say it to the family: “In our family, we’re going to wait until she can choose, and we’d love to give her earrings then.”
Call a doctor: If the area becomes red or tender (AAP). The NHS also lists swelling, heat, pain, blood or pus, or your child seeming hot, shivery or unwell. Ask for an urgent appointment, and leave the earring in unless a doctor says to take it out.

Health note: the AAP says ears can be pierced at any age, and that if the piercing is done carefully and looked after well there is little risk. As a general guideline it says to wait until the child can care for the piercing. It also advises a gold-post earring, left in for four to six weeks. We did not find an official page about piercing babies in particular. This card is separate from the safeguarding paragraph below.

6. Black seed, honey and herbal remedies

Labels: Sunnah texts · home protocols are custom · health guidance

Black seed: “a healing for every disease except death” (Bukhari 5688). Also: every disease has a remedy (Muslim 2204). The NHS says honey and herbal cough remedies have limited evidence, and honey is “not suitable for babies under 1 year old.” A Cochrane review found honey probably eases cough in children 12 months and older.

MPL gives no doses of any herb, seed or oil. None of the research gives a safe amount for young children.

Keep: Black seed as food and blessing. Honey after the first birthday.
Swap: Ask a pharmacist before any supplement or oil, and tell them your child’s age and any medicine.
Skip: Honey before 12 months, including “hot lemon and honey.” Skip black seed oil on a baby’s skin unless a pharmacist agrees: one consumer page warns it can cause a bad skin reaction.
Say it to the family: “We love black seed too, Khala. The pharmacist will tell us what’s safe for her age.”
Call a doctor: For a sick child, see the doctor first. Herbs never replace medical care.

7. The evil eye, ruqyah and seeing a doctor

Labels: Sunnah (both ruqyah and medicine)

The evil eye is real in the hadith (Bukhari 5740). The Prophet ﷺ sought refuge in Allah’s words for al-Hasan and al-Husayn (Bukhari 3371) and recited the last three surahs before sleep, then wiped his body (Bukhari 5017). Ruqyah is fine if it has no shirk (Muslim 2200). He also said to seek treatment, because Allah has appointed a remedy for each illness (Abu Dawud 3855, graded sahih by Albani; Muslim 2204).

Keep: The protective words, said over your child. Calmly. No blame on any visitor or relative.
Swap: A black thread or mark for the du’a. One mufti calls a black thread on a newborn baseless.
Skip: Letting “healing” replace the doctor.
Say it to the family: “Yes to the du’a, Nani, and yes to the doctor. The Prophet ﷺ told us to do both.”

Healers’ red flags. Walk away if a healer:

tells you not to use medicine;
hits, restrains or isolates the child;
demands secrecy or large payments;
blames the child or a relative for “possession”.

Scaring or hurting a child in the name of healing is abuse and can be reported. England’s national action plan on abuse linked to religion or belief covers this.

Call a doctor: For any illness, developmental worry or low mood, in a child or a parent. See What Happens If I Tell?

8. Gelatine in vaccines

Labels: scholars differ · health guidance (not a Sunnah matter)

Some vaccines contain gelatine from pigs. Muslim scholars differ. One published opinion (the British Islamic Medical Association’s journal, 2020) permits the standard product, on the principle that gelatine is transformed (istihalah), and notes that the Shafi’i school does not accept this. IslamQA fatwa 219137 and some Hanafi muftis say porcine gelatine is not permitted unless a full transformation is proven. Health bodies offer options. We checked the official product information for each country (see Sources).

UK (England): Since January 2026, young children get MMRV (measles, mumps, rubella and chickenpox) instead of MMR. Two MMRV vaccines are used. ProQuad contains pork gelatine. Priorix Tetra does not, and the government says it is as safe and effective. The nasal flu spray (Fluenz) also contains pork gelatine; a flu injection without gelatine is available. Older children who still get MMR may be offered MMR VaxPro (pork gelatine) or Priorix (no gelatine). Ask your GP early, as the practice may need to order Priorix Tetra. The government’s leaflet comes in Arabic, Urdu, Bengali and more.
UK (Scotland): MMRV replaced MMR in January 2026. ProQuad and Priorix-Tetra are both used. NHS inform says ProQuad contains pork gelatine. If you do not accept pork gelatine, speak to your health professional before the appointment.
UK (Wales): MMRV replaced MMR on 1 January 2026. Public Health Wales names the same three vaccines with pork gelatine (Fluenz, MMR VaxPro, ProQuad) and the same gelatine-free options (the flu injection, Priorix and Priorix Tetra). Tell the person offering the vaccine early, as the gelatine-free one may need to be ordered.
UK (Northern Ireland): MMRV replaced MMR in January 2026. GP practices use ProQuad first and order Priorix-Tetra only when a family needs a gelatine-free option. Ask your GP practice well before the appointment.
US: The nasal flu spray (FluMist, ages 2 to 49) lists porcine gelatin. The flu shot (an injection) is the other option: the CDC says flu shots are approved for people 6 months and older and recommends any licensed flu vaccine that suits the child’s age. For MMR, the FDA-approved label for M-M-R II (Merck) lists hydrolyzed gelatin (14.5 mg per dose). The label does not say which animal it comes from. Priorix (GSK, FDA-approved June 2022 for ages 12 months and up) lists no gelatin: its ingredients are lactose, sorbitol, mannitol and amino acids. Ask your pediatrician which MMR the clinic stocks.
Australia: The nasal spray lists porcine gelatin; ask about the inactivated flu vaccine.
Canada: The nasal spray (FluMist) is an option for ages 2 to 17. Its Health Canada product monograph lists gelatin hydrolysate (porcine, Type A). Ask about the flu shot if you want to avoid it. For MMR, the M-M-R II monograph lists gelatin, and the Priorix monograph lists none (amino acids, lactose, mannitol, sorbitol). Ask your public health nurse or doctor which MMR your province or clinic uses.
New Zealand: No nasal flu vaccine is approved for use in New Zealand (Immunisation Handbook), and the funded flu vaccine is an injection, so the flu shot is the one on offer. For MMR, the Medsafe-approved M-M-R II lists hydrolysed gelatin, and the Priorix data sheet lists none. The Immunisation Advisory Centre says the two MMR vaccines are fully interchangeable. The chickenpox vaccine Varivax also lists hydrolysed gelatin. The data sheets do not say which animal the gelatin comes from. Ask your nurse which vaccine they will use.
Keep: Your wish to follow your deen, and your child’s protection.
Swap: Ask your doctor for a gelatine-free option where one exists, or ask your own scholar.
Skip: Waiting until the clinic door to ask.
Say it to the family: “Our scholars differ on this, so we’re asking our imam and the doctor, and she’ll be protected either way.”
Call a doctor: To ask about options before the appointment.

Cutting a girl’s genitals is never part of this advice

Cutting or altering a girl’s genitals is illegal in all five countries: the US, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. It harms health and has no medical benefit. The World Health Organization says no religious scripts prescribe it. Egypt’s Dar al-Ifta calls it a cultural practice that is legally prohibited because of the harm it causes. Al-Azhar’s Supreme Council of Islamic Research ruled in 2007 that it has no basis in core Islamic law. Some fatwa sites, including IslamQA fatwa 60314, hold a different view on female circumcision. MPL keeps this as a hard safety line because of the law and the harm.

US: It is a federal crime to perform it on anyone under 18, to take a girl somewhere for it, or, as a parent or guardian, to agree to it. The penalty is up to 10 years in prison. Religion or custom is not a defense (18 U.S.C. § 116, updated by the STOP FGM Act of 2020).
Canada: The Criminal Code treats cutting or mutilating a person’s labia or clitoris as aggravated assault (section 268), which carries up to 14 years. Consent does not make it legal, apart from narrow medical exceptions.

The NHS notes it is also called “sunna” and “khitan”, and that taking a girl abroad for it is illegal in the UK.

If anyone pressures you, say no, and call someone. Talk to your child’s doctor or pediatrician (in the UK, the NSPCC helpline can also help).

Last checked: October 2026. Spotted something out of date? Reply or leave a comment and we’ll fix it.

Sources

IslamQA fatwas 132524 and 202306, on aqiqah slaughtered abroad

IslamQA fatwas 78255 and 175847, on ear piercing

IslamQA fatwa 219137, on gelatine

IslamQA fatwa 60314, on female circumcision (view differs from Al-Azhar and Dar al-Ifta; see the note above)

Egypt Dar al-Ifta and Al-Azhar Supreme Council of Islamic Research (2007), on female genital cutting

Al-Albani’s retraction on the adhan hadith (thealbaani.site)

Muslim Parenting Lab